When you’re first married, it’s easy to think that the toe-curling, electrifying presence of your other half is all you need to keep your marriage sizzling. They walk into the room, and you light up. They rustle up a burnt pizza, and it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted. However, marriage isn’t always like this, so it’s worth bearing in mind that your bedroom Olympics may well dwindle over time. But how to keep the excitement alive?
Don’t have affairs. In any marriage self-help book, this should be rule number one. It’s very simple – don’t put it about. Yes, you may be tempted to run off to a park with your nubile colleague, but don’t. If things are that bad, take some time out to establish (and sort) the problem, or cut your losses. Affairs make everything tawdry and sad – don’t cheapen yourself, and don’t disrespect your partner.
Remember and recognize that it’s not all about you. So what if your wife doesn’t feel like having sex four times a week? Who cares that your husband is always pawing you when you get out of the shower? You married these people for who they are, not for their stamina (or lack of) between the sheets. As long as you’re both getting along and having sex often enough to keep the cobwebs away, so to speak, you’re fine. Life is hectic enough without taking all the fun out of sex; let it happen when it happens. There’s nothing un-sexier than demanding lovemaking, or saying no because you broke a nail two days ago.
If there’s a problem – talk. Obviously not in the middle of a dinner party or during a play, (‘Can I have a word? You’re being hugely annoying’,) but wherever you can without embarrassing your partner, and other people. It’s always how to try and phrase your complaint in a way that doesn’t invite blame – ‘I feel like you ignore me when you watch our daughter’s netball matches’ is better than ‘You are a filthy old man who shouldn’t be allowed to watch netball’. Talk about how they make you feel, as oposed to making outlandish, potentially rude statements.
Don’t get jealous – they married you, remember? If there’s a woman at their work or a guy at the gym that openly flirts, let them. Trust your partner’s judgement – they’re probably not particularly happy at the unwanted attention either, so don’t add to their stress by accusing them of infidelities and being unkind to them. It’s far classier to let the flirty party get the message and back off on their own. Plus, your partner will love the fact that you’re confident enough to let them do their own thing.
It’s a cliche, but it’s true. Everyone loves a bit of a fuss – so don’t be afraid to pull the stops out every now and then. Get dinner ready before they get home, take them somewhere wonderful on the spur of the moment, dance with them in the garden as the kids watch on, loathing your exhibitionism. Make your partner feel like the most wonderful person in the world, because, let’s face it, they are.
Now, it might not be a good idea to go overboard in this respect, but don’t be scared of trying new things behind closed doors. It’s a fair amount of effort to keep things alive in the bedroom, and nobody is recommending that you do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Saying that, there’s nothing wrong with reading a bit of 50 Shades of Grey and taking your upstairs upstairs for a bit of afternoon delight. Use your imagination, but please don’t buy any bondage equipment unless you’re absolutely sure you know what to do with it.
About The Author: Vicky Anscombe is a huge fan of sex, marriage and keeping romance alive. She greatly enjoys writing about UK-based holiday parks, scouting for cheese, and spying on her neighbors.